STEVE CUMBER uses his imagination to ponder what football could be like if it wasn’t restricted just to humans…

Illustration: Louis Dyson

FOOTBALL attracts all types of person to its various teams. Tall, short, fat, thin, mesomorph or ectomorph, teams in our beloved game feature them all.
This is because each type of person brings something different to a specific position. Fat wingers? No. Skinny centrehalves? No. No one body type can do everything. 
But what if a football team could sign someone or something) that could give it a huge advantage over its rivals? So...