IAN TOWNSEND wishes that matchday announcers would cut down on their inane chatter

Clean your ears out, Robbie! 

“Only light a fire if you are fully qualified to fight it.”
BY THE time the Sussex FA announcer at Culver Road, home of Lancing FC, made this garbled appeal to any pyromaniac firemen in the crowd, many of the spectators were lost inside their own heads in a vain attempt to block out the noise.
The safety instructions alone had gone on for a full five minutes. Earlier, we’d had three minutes on the rules of the 50/50 draw (fifty percent of the takin...